i hate grammar conventions...part ???

grammar...it's that terrible itch you just can't scratch. in 8th grade we spent an entire year covering grammar, and it was the pits. should i have put a comma after "grade" in the previous sentence? does anyone really care? unfortunately, the answer is yes. there are people out there who describe themselves as "hating bad grammar" and feel outraged when they come across it. i would like to use this opportunity to let those people know that they are contributing nothing to society except enforcing rigid, authoritarian rules that make language seem dull.

that's not to say that i think all grammar should be abandoned...although that certainly would be a fun time...but i understand that grammar can be useful in communicating your meaning clearly. however, there truly are some pointless grammar conventions--if it makes no difference in how i understand the sentence, it should be abolished. the grammar convention i loathe most is using commas in direct addresses. for example:

"stop eating my pancakes, grandpa!"

unless you are some kind of autotron, this is not how the rhythm of your speech would play out. if you were really mad at your grandpa for doing this, it would certainly be, "stop eating my pancakes grandpa!" if you were only a little mad, and kind of just acting exasperated with your grandpa, you might emphasize the word "grandpa" and use the rhythm above. but in the end, it makes me question if that person truly even wants the pancakes because robots can't eat pancakes.

some of my grammar friends will counter me and say, yeah, well what about this:

i will ignore that the second sentence contains an error. my counter: for this one very specific circumstance, you can just say "grandpa let's eat." done, get over it.

all i have to say is that if i receive another email starting with "Hi, Victoria," just to illustrate how good that person is at grammar i will lose my marbles.