lessons from the hair cuttery

tonight after work i decided to get a perm because i was bored with my hair. the perm took many more hours than i would have liked it to, and i wanted to give up during it. instead of saying that beauty is pain, they should say that beauty is pang, as in serious HUNGER PANGS. or beauty is pangs of pain from sitting for 4 HOURS. ahhhhhhhhh

while i was suffering i picked up a 'seventeen' magazine to see what i'm missing out on now that i'm not a teenager anymore. this is what i learned: 

jocks make good boyfriends because they are very disciplined from sports and will call you if they say they will call. 

so the jocks are the good guys now? 

hipsters make bad boyfriends because your date won't be any more exciting than swapping out pepperoni for mushrooms on a pizza.

OUCH

a good way to pick up a date at starbucks is to intercept their drink before they pick it up, write your name and phone number on the drink, and hand it to the boy with a smile. 

seriously? has anyone on the magazine staff actually tried this little trick? because if they had, i think they would have been yelled at and accused of trying to steal someone's drink. there's a difference between being bold and being a fool. 

there are 4 different kinds of faces--the heart face, the square face, the oval face, and the round face. each face type looks best with a certain kind of hair cut.

if you ever meet someone with a square face will you please introduce me to them, i'd like to have a word. all of the faces they used to demonstrate these face shapes looked exactly the same. 

funny advertisements these days use social media-related humor 

for example, an advertisement for pencil erasers: "i wish my awesome new eraser was also able to erase my mom's latest facebook post, har har har"

curvy girls should drape themselves in long skirts and sleeves to accentuate their curves

ie, you best cover that shit up

and i will end with a direct quote from an article i read about 2 best friends who grew up together acting. one girl said: "we have different body types, but we still have an appreciation for each other"

while that is the dumbest crap i have ever read, the editor who decided to highlight that quote in a text bubble off to the side is the one who deserves to be ashamed because he/she is a full grown adult. 

it's weird to think now that all those magazines i was reading when i was 12 that i thought were so cool were probably written by some 40 year old corporate stooge skilled in the art of marketing $5 face wash. perspective, all part of the joys of growing up.