the chuckwalla knows better

while ripping off chunks of jerky with flat paleo-teeth, some of my associates have made claims that animals are barely sentient and wouldn't know the difference between the bellagio and a slaughterhouse. on a moral level, i know this is false--my associates unfortunately just don't know any better. they probably haven't seen this dog who is living proof that animals at least have feelings:

but i have more proof than just this happy little doglet. there is also the chuckwalla, a lizard who knows the hard way that animals are indeed sentient. the chuckwalla knows there are some wounds that never heal.

when scientists saw the chuckwalla, they didn't see him as a rad reptile that enjoys lava flows, hanging out at Death Valley National Park, and eating yellow flowers. i'm sorry to say that all they saw was a stout-bodied lizard with a prominent belly.

and that is why the chuckwalla's scientific name is sauromalus obesus.

it is the rudest, most insensitive name scientists could have thought of. a few years ago a scientist named Bradford felt bad about what his predecessors had done and changed sauromalus obesus' name to sauromalus ater, citing that there was less variety of the sauromalus than originally thought, but everyone knows that this was just a feeble attempt at a make-good with the chuckwalla. plus, the damage had already been done, no one calls the chuckwalla by its new scientific name. petitions have been submitted to the Internatioal Commission on Zoological Nomenclature (ICZN) to give precedence to the name sauromalus obesus over sauromalus ater based on its extensive use. the ICZN, clearly in cahoots with the scientist Bradford, denied the petitions, and went as far to call their claims 'dubious'.

make it through that crack? in your dreams, s. obesus. 

ever since the whole name fiasco, the chuckwalla has tried to keep a low profile and avoid both the jerky chewers and the forward thinkers alike. the chuckwalla never wanted to be the center of anything, much less controversy--it just wanted to bask in the desert sun in peace. as a result, chuckwallas all over the country have gone into hiding like in the picture above, which is what they typically do when they are "disturbed". they can't take the body bashing any longer.

so we have a disturbed lizard over here, and people are trying to tell me that animals don't have sentience? what a joke. next time you're cramming jerky down your gullet, remember the chuckwalla, our friend sauromalus obesus. treat animals how you want to be treated, and don't turn them into meat twizzlers.