i will tell you what i would do for power. i would walk around capitol hill for over an hour searching for it, but i would only feast upon its fruit if it cost less than $2.
i am talking about the power bar here, that calorie-stuffed goodness that, no matter what state you were in before, will leave you cartwheelin' in the streets after consumption.
but i didn't have one, and my body was crying out. i stayed late at work and wanted to spend the rest of my evening swimming at the pool, but i hadn't eaten anything since lunch and didn't want to go home to eat, where the chains of my warm bed would dance around like charmed cobras until i slowly eased into them, preventing me from leaving the house again for the rest of the night. so i did what any rational person would do -- i grabbed $2 from my wallet, locked my car, and sought out the coveted bar to tide me over.
i made my first desperate stop at a liquor store and decided to play it straight, i barged in and demanded to be directed to the food. However, i was presented with a rack of those nasty bugle chips, so I knew that no power was to be found here, save for its lowly cousin, liquid courage. I thanked the shopkeeper for his time and left.
although i was loath to travel even farther away from the pool, the thirst for power drove me on. i walked some more and found a little "marketplace" which i thought looked promising. i couldn't have been more wrong--the cheapest bar in there was $1.99, not including tax. i still thought i might have a chance though, there is a little shop near our house where i have forgotten my wallet before and been told that i could pay another day. but this was not the shop by my house. she told me it was $2.20 with tax, so i made like i couldn't afford it and started to put it back, but she didn't take the bait. i knew i was going to have to be real with her. "listen lady, i only have $2, is there a spare change jar or something here?" "no." .....silence.
i ran out of this stupid "neighborhood" "marketplace" in a huff, determined to find a chain store that would sell bars for a fair price. as i charged forward, i was suddenly accosted by a blond boy with spiky hair who ran out from behind a car and hailed me down. thinking that i was going to get my $2 bar money stolen, i braced for perpetual hunger. honestly it scared the shit out of me, i thought he had a gun in his hand (black cell phone) and i was about to get mugged. instead, he tells me that i'm cute and asks me on a date to get coffee. that was a relief, kind of. using no words i flapped my hand at him and moved on, this was no time for such frivolities. i know i'm a rare beaut but at this moment i was running down the street in a frenzy, waddling because i was holding up my too-long work pants by the fabric at the knees to prevent myself from stepping on them in my pink flip flops, and my cold little sausage toes were sticking out and cursing me for not being more sensible. i think his nose caught the scent of the open air dollars in my pocket, and thought i might be money bags. Sigh.... I was going to have to take a different route back to avoid him.
Dizzy, confused, and with my lifeline dwindling, I staggered onwards: just ahead, a cvs bag. The straight path is often the most difficult. Another cvs bag. How much longer down this road to temptation? The lights, oh those big red letters. Oh the bars and the stars and the cars. itchy pocket, open esophagus.
Scene 3: victoria enters cvs with a flourish. She looks around momentarily, a little bewildered, and then regains her composure and heads straight for counter.
VICTORIA: Evening sir, got any of those bars here?
EMPLOYEE: Sure do ma'am. You're just in luck, we just got a new shipment of all kinds of bars in yesterday during the night delivery. Follow me please.
The employee swings his legs over the counter and together they walk to the other side of the store. When they find the bars, victoria claps her hands once.
VICTORIA: This is quite a selection of bars you got here mister.
EMPLOYEE: Sure is. We take pride in that kind of thing here.
VICTORIA: And only $1.87, what kind of profit are you all running around here anyway?
EMPLOYEE: ma'am, we make ends meet, but we gotta leave some bills in the customer's pocket too.
VICTORIA: you don't say! Well here's $2, keep the change kid, and keep up the good work.
Victoria leaves cvs while the employee looks at the bills, mouth agape. End scene.
Once I exited cvs I ripped open the packaging so greedily that the contents almost spilled onto the ground. But no matter, I had succeeded in my quest and everything was alright again. I even felt confident enough to walk back the way I came, and if I ran into the spiky boy again I would rip off a hunk of bar with my glimmering eye tooth, and then watch him slink back into the shadows.
Well, that never happened because on the way out of cvs I was filled with such blinding mania that I went the wrong way and became utterly lost in capitol hill for at least 20 minutes, a place that I am no stranger to. It was as if all the pieces of capitol hill had been dismantled and rearranged so that everything was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Still clutching the wrapper of the bar, I finally sought the assistance of a young "suit" who didn't know where the pool was but said he could check Google maps. I nodded my pumpkin head vigorously. He seemed to think it strange, so I felt compelled to explain that I didn't have a smart phone, which made him aghast and he mocked me while he looked up directions. I bit my tongue to hold my tirade against this suit. In the end he set me on the right course, and I made it to the pool in no time. Yet my mania still lingered over an hour later when I was leaving, as I could not decide which way was home, a route I take at least once a week with no previously recorded troubles. I realized that as strong as I am, it was presumptuous of me to think that I could gallivant around on my lonesome after devouring a power bar. I am no match, no match.
CVS left money on the table
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